Film ‘Imaginary Mothers’ Reunites Birth Mothers With Adopted Kids

In her upcoming documentary Imaginary Mothers, local filmmaker Jacqueline Arias explores the often unregulated adoption industry, asking the difficult questions and talking to families who gave up their children. She looks at the industry through the eyes of the birth mothers, a perspective often ignored. An adoptee herself, Arias traveled from rural Ohio to Costa Rica to Orlando, Florida searching for the truth about her own adoption and the answers to her questions about the ethics, policies, and politics surrounding the industry. In support of the post production phase of the film, Arias is hosting a fundraising event this Friday which will include the newest footage from her interviews and research in Costa Rica. We caught up with Arias to talk about the film and the message she hopes it will send.

How did you find the mothers and adopted children that participated in the film?

The first mother we found was a mother of a friend of mine in Orlando. She was adopted from Costa Rica but was hesitant about meeting her parents. While I was down in Costa Rica, interviewing other mothers I found her family, who had been looking for her for years. After meeting her family, she also found siblings in Miami and an adopted brother in Iowa. The other mothers in the film were found through ads in the local newspaper and from an interview we did on ‘Buen Dia’ a morning talk show in San Jose, Costa Rica. After appearing on that show, we were inundated with calls from local mothers who had lost their children.

What do you hope this film says to American mothers (in particular, local mothers) who have adopted children from unstable socio-economic environments in other countries?

I hope we will re-think the ways in which we give relief to these poor communities in other countries. Are we considering other ways to give support these families? Are we respecting their experiences and allowing them every opportunity to preserve their families? I have also learned that some of these families see adoption very differently than we do in the states. Most of these families do not see it as a permanent situation, in which they are giving up all rights to their children. Actually, they believe they’re doing the right thing at the moment to protect their child. But I think they believe their child will come back to them. Many of the mothers I interviewed were told, at the time that they gave up their child, that they would periodically receive pictures and updates about their child. They often didn’t understand that it was going to be a permanent separation.

The relationship between an adopted child and his or her birth mother is complicated and difficult. After filming this documentary, do you feel that this relationship is something that adoptive mothers should talk about with their adopted child?

Definitely, parents should talk openly to their children about their adoption. Honesty is important in any relationship between parent and child and if a child finds out you’ve kept something important like their birth from them it would destroy the trust that you’ve established. I also think it’s important for adoptive parents to have a pragmatic outlook on the adoption process – it’s always evolving – as the parent/child relationship evolves. Even adoptees with the most perfect relationship with their adoptive family have a curiosity and desire to find out about their heritage. I think it would be unfair to keep that from them or to pretend it doesn’t exist. No one knows for sure what will come when an adoptee child and birth mother are reunited, but one thing we do know is most adoptees feel a loss or an emptiness that motivates them to seek out their origins. In my research I have found websites/classifieds with hundreds of adoptees seeking their parents and vice versa.

As an adoptee, how did making the film affect you?

I had the opportunity to meet my biological mother only once before she passed away. And since her death I always wondered what our relationship might have been like if we had spent more time together. I always wanted to hear her version of the story and to have a honest conversation about what she went through. I didn’t get that chance. However, as I interviewed these mothers in Costa Rica, I felt like my mother was speaking through them. I was asked repeatedly if I resented my mother and to describe what my experience being separated from her was like. I felt an unexpected connection to these women. When I began this film I wondered if it would bring me closer to my birth mother. I was skeptical at first, but it did in the most unexpected way – through the constant declarations of love and expressions of regret I heard from these mothers.

Do you think that the film answers the tough questions you sought to ask: Is it always in the best interests of the child? Is adoption the only way for children to be 'rescued' from unstable socio-economic environments? Should a billion-dollar industry that brokers the exchange of children from one part of the world to another come under stricter regulation?

I can’t answer that question at the moment. I am in the post production phase of the movie. I still have hours of interviews and reenactments I need to transcribe and translate before I am able to start editing. My desire is to challenge our current views on adoption and look beyond what profit driven agencies tell us is appropriate. I think we should educate ourselves a little more about the appropriate role and rights of the birth mother. And what is her perspective on adoption? There are many questions we haven’t been asking ourselves about international adoption. For instance, why is there such a high monetary value placed on a child, and is that ethical? Who is pocketing that money? The fees associated with adopting a child are rarely sent to the mother or the family. When a price tag is placed on a child’s welfare might there be a temptation for criminal activity?

Is there anything that you would like to say to local mothers who have adopted?

This process has forced me to challenge my own notions on adoption. I am not judging adoptive parents, nor am I anti-adoption. I understand how difficult the topic is to discuss and how an adoptive parent might feel like they are being judged for acting on what is often a deep desire to help. I truly want to begin a civil dialogue about a situation that has been created that has left unintended pain and confusion. I could have created a heartfelt personal story about adoption and reunion, and there are several recent films and television programs that superficially touched upon these themes, but that would have been unfair to the thousands of mothers who have lost their rights to speak. I hope this film will expand our notions of family and motherhood and teach us to appreciate the complex relationships we all have in our lives.

The fundraising event is this Friday, June 25 from 7-11pm at Littlefield (622 Degraw Street). The $20 entry donation enters you for a chance to win a one-week stay in an ocean view house in Costa Rica. Local band She Keeps Bees headlines the event, with special guests This Frontier Needs Heroes and Natureboy. Along with Arias' newest footage from Costa Rica, Latin American video artists will showcase their work.

(All photos via Imaginary Mothers blog)