Ruined Reunions

This week’s calendar celebrates fucked up families like only America can.  There’s lots of great options for good kids and bad on this week’s gay-genda.  Get into it!

Thursday

More birthday perfection! 559 Lorimer St. has been one of the most happening corners for hipster gays, home to the young and old, hot and busted, and generally drunk gay hipsters of Brooklyn. Metropolitan, Williamsburg’s self-proclaimed first gay bar celebrates seven years of backyard hookups, pool hustling, and flaming fire side chats. Thank you for that night I made out with a 19 year old. Thank you for the night of make-out perfection with “the one that got away.” Thank you for all your heavy pours and late nights! DJ Eugene Tambourine spins, Kim mans the door, and most every cute dude bartender will be slinging drinks and yelling.  Open bar from 9-11pm with well drinks and bud (lite!) Like our love for the aging hot spot, it’s free!

Celebrity Birthday: Iowa hillbillies the McCaughey Septuplets turn 12, thanks to god’s hands and fertility drugs.

Drink of Choice: Apple Juice or Milk (with kids it’s all about options)

Friday 

Fresh Fridays at Tandem Bar are a fairly new affair.  The folks of That’s My Jam are hosting a spin-off party that will become a weekly gig for the growing Bushwick bar.  DJ’s Tammy Hart, Shomi Noise, Huckwild, Leah V. Angelica Rodriguez and more from the TMJ roster will be on site making music happen.  Aptly titled Fresh Fridays, their claim is that 236 Troutman is “where queer Bushwick gets down.” Bloodhound Photography will be there to make you (locally) famous.  With lots of corners to make out in and tons of space to jump around, make this a welcome weekly! RSVP @ fresh.friday.bk@gmail.com

Celebrity Birthday: Obvious drunk Richard Dawson hit on everyone as the host of 1970’s own Family Feud

Drink of Choice: Whiskey

Saturday

North Brooklyn DAY: Get into the cooking spirit for our raping and pillaging forefathers! A foodie’s paradise, the Greenpoint Food Market’s homegrown foods serve as inspiration at the Church of Messiah at 129 Russell Street.  The heartwarming Hot Chocolate Cook-off will benefit the Greenpoint Soup Kitchen. This all day event will include live music, food workshops, and food inspired crafts. Anarchy In a Jar , who was just featured in the coffee table quarterly Edible Brooklyn, will be hawking their sweet little jars of tart and spiced preserves.  Skimkim’s Asian infused popcorn, the local kombucha, and seasonal soups by Soup Spoons make for a grocery list of excitement. Bring a tote, a friend and your penchant for odd eats!

South Brooklyn NIGHT: The famed Laid party is back where it belongs. Conceived by Sarah FM, the monthly queer happening was born at Southpaw is now in its fifth year. The guerilla style takeover of Southpaw offers one promise: Everybody gets laid! The scene is usually gender queer and lesbian specific, but the boys roll up too. I for one found a boyfriend of a few months on the famed and flaming dance floor (I got laid, and then some!) DJ’s Noa D and Roze-Royze hit their old stomping ground hard with R&B, Hip-Hop, and dance hits.  Laid is bringing it home, so you can too!

Sure to be competing for the gays tonight, the desolate block between Third and Fourth Avenues is a surprising home to Bell House, a sprawling warehouse-style venue.  The fourteenth edition of That’s My Jam will commandeer the cathedral style main room. They are lucky to snag Bell House whose welcoming front bar is peppered with cozy armchairs and oversized office furniture from another time. The main stage is a room away and is massive; it feels a little like a scene from Eyes Wide Shut (in the very best way!) B.H is home to the smart Secret Science Club and the loud rockers of Brooklyn and beyond. DJ’s Dirty Jean and Lauren Flax show them how the gays get down. 5 bones before midnight and 10 after is a fair cover for the great space and the cathedral style room to get totally messed.

Celebrity Birthday: First Wife, Goldie Hawn turns 64 and the manic mom still looks fantastic!

Drink of Choice: A stiff sex and the beach with her sexy hubby.

Sunday

Considered an exciting and revolutionary film by many, a final screening of Maggots and Men by Cary Cronenwett will grace the screen at the Mix Factory. Mix offers a time traveling adventure with a troupe of trans-masculine actors taking on a utopian re-visioning of Kronstadt’s Uprising.  The cast of over 100 transgender actors play the part of pro-Soviet sailors at the Kronstadt naval garrison who rebelled against a Bolshevik state. Mix Factory has been on a mission to “produce and preserve experimental media that is rooted in the lives, politics and experiences of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and otherwise queer-identified people” This kind of counter culture advocacy is why we moved to New York, folks! So go out and support! The movie is a little under an hour and you’re in Chelsea, so there is no shortage of blocks to cruise around.

Celebrity Birthday:  Daughter of Tony Curtis and Janet Leigh, the once scream queen turned commercial grandma Jamie Leigh Curtis hits the big 5-0!

Drink of Choice: Activia Smoothie with a shot of Baileys

Monday  

A wallflower’s dream, all the rail thin, folkster style gays and straights alike will be sitting around lotus style for a screening of folk rock documentary, Sandy Bull: No Deposit, No Return Blues. Bull looks like a stoned –actor- Cool Hand Luke and is a freckled, shaggy, hottie. When he moved to New York in the 60s he played along side greats like Cecil Taylor and Bob Dylan. So wear a flower in your hair and head to 18 Java St. For a screening and some live tunes from D Charles Speer and Ramble Tamble for only 5 bucks. Remember its, puff, puff, pass, its only polite.

Celebrity Birthday: Actress, Singer (Songwriter?) and tween performer Miley Cyrus gets to have her sweet 16 at Disney World! Barf!

Drink of Choice: You know she will be getting her drink on with Donald and Minnie!

Tuesday

An open mic series at SugarLand sounds like the perfect storm. Cheap beer and well drink specials combined with Brooklyn’s own LGBTQ community. We might be the most judgmental and the most talented group out there so its bound to be fun for the talented, wannabes and judgers alike. Hosted by Basic Black and Hank Starr, Sugarland is inviting you to read the heartbreaking works you have jotted in your moleskin or pour out that soul Jennifer Hudson style to the packed house. DJ Emjay spins the pre and post show jams. All forms welcome, comedians, poets, performance artists, bands, and mimes are encouraged to sign up at 9pm and show us what your working with! I am gonna practice my jaw harp!

Celebrity Birthday: Sicilian born Charles “Lucky” Luciano was one of the many illegitimate fathers of the mob. Its also in the cards he dated Sophia Portrello.

Drink of Choice: Red Wine with a meatball chaser

Wednesday

There is no reason to celebrate this B-Day. Perhaps its more a day of mourning. No?

Celebrity Birthday(s): Horse faced twins Barbara and Jenna Bush turn 27. Evil does have an age!

Drink of Choice: Gin body shots off of Levi Johnston